Like Hell You Will!
by mavk4444
Summary: Logan and Kendall get into an argument of sorts, and both are determined to win. Even if it means inflicting bodily harm.


**Title: **Like Hell You Will!

**Rating: **T (maybe M for all the cursing but whatever)

**Summary:** Logan and Kendall get into an argument of sorts, and both are determined to win. Even if it means inflicting bodily harm.

**A/N: **What the hell am I even doing with my life? Anyway, this was inspired by my conversation with Gisela about how sassy!Logan is the best kind of Logan. And how Logan needs someone who can match (or even top) that sassiness. I am so done with myself right now oh my God. Like this isn't even sassy it's just...yeah. I tried to make this funny but I feel like I failed :/.

**Warnings: **Insanity, borderline crack, cursing. If you value your eyes and life, please click the back button.

* * *

I smiled to myself, stretching across the couch. I folded my arms behind my head, enjoying the silence of the apartment.

"Get up."

Well, there went my peace. I opened one of my eyes and regarded the boy in front of me. Logan had one hand on his hip, the other holding a rather thick book.

"Nope, go somewhere else."

"You better get the fuck up."

Both of my eyes were now open.

"Sir, you need to calm down," I said seriously.

Logan gave me a blank look.

"Did you just call me sir?" he asked, throwing the book down. I was beginning to fear for my life.

"Well you're a sir, aren't you? Would you prefer if I called you _ma'am_?"

"I'm not thirty-five!"

"Dude, people younger than thirty-five get called sir."

"Do _you_ get called sir?" Logan asked, crossing his arms.

"No, I get called sexy," I smiled cheekily at him. My boyfriend snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Not by me you don't."

"Then what do you call me?" I asked, sitting up.

"Moronic," Logan leaned against the couch.

"I'm not moronic!" I exclaimed. Logan gasped. "What?" I demanded.

"You know what moronic means!" his eyes were wide. "James, Carlos! Kendall knows what moronic means!"

"Why you little-" I went to lunge at him, but Logan smirked at me. I sat back on my heels, narrowing my eyes.

"Come on Kendall, finish your sentence. It isn't nice to keep people waiting," he said.

"Hey! Stop that," I growled, more than a little annoyed.

"Stop what?" he asked innocently, raising his eyebrows.

"Being so damn smug!" I said.

"Aw, is Kenny going to have a hissy fit?" Logan cooed, rolling his eyes.

"Ugh!"

"Stop screaming, dear. Your throat will get sore."

"Dear? What are you, my mother?"

"Stop with the woman jokes!"

"It wasn't a joke! I was being serious…mostly."

"Oh, you have no idea how badly I want to throw this book at you," his fingers twitched. I threw my head back and cackled.

"Like that'd happen. You value your books too much to-oh hell!" I clutched at my chest. "Damn it Logan, that fucking hurt!"

"Stop being a little bitch."

My eyes just about popped from their sockets.

"Oh hell no. You just called me a bitch!"

"You call me a douche on a daily basis," Logan drawled, giving me a bored look. I smirked.

"Yes, but that's accurate. I'm not the bitch, _you_ are."

Logan's eye started to twitch.

"What was that?"

I coughed nervously, smirk quickly slipping from my face.

"Oh, what wonderful weather! I love rain," I babbled. "So pretty!"

"You better fucking repeat it!"

"Okay, dude, calm down," I slowly got up from the couch, my eyes darting between my boyfriend and the door. If I ran as fast as I could, I could probably make it…

"Arg! You're so annoying!"

"Screaming hurts your throat, sweetie," I said mockingly.

"Sweetie?"

"What, would you prefer if I called you cream puff?"

"Cream puff?" Logan spluttered. "What the fuck, man? People like you should not give out pet names. Or whatever the hell that was."

"Oh my dearest apple blossom," I said, batting my eyelashes.

Logan laughed loudly, holding his stomach.

"You totally stole that from Carlos."

"Did not," I huffed, even though it was kind of true. Alright, maybe I did. So fucking what?

"You totally did. Anyway, are you done throwing your little fit?"

"I did _not_ throw a fit!" I argued.

"So just like I'm _not_ annoyed at you," Logan said.

"You have to stop being so sarcastic. It's hurting my head and ears," I whined.

"Oh I'm sorry, let me change my entire life so it revolves around you."

"Ouch. How you wound me, babe," I clutched at my chest.

"I can throw something at you again. It'll snap you out of it really quick," Logan said with a grin. I shielded my body with a couch cushion.

"Ha! Like I'd let you hurt me- ouch!"

Logan snorted and yanked the cushion away. He was now straddling my hips, his hands on either side of my head. He leaned down with a smirk.

"Oops," he breathed onto my lips.

"You must be pretty used to this position," I said, lifting my hands to squeeze his waist. Logan's face turned bright red.

"Shut up, jerk!" he snapped. He went to get up, but I squeezed him tighter.

"You're not going anywhere," I teased.

Logan threw his head back and laughed.

"Um, what are you-"

I was cut off as his fist collided with my jaw. I screeched in pain, reaching up and holding my aching face.

"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to hit you," he gave me a sickly sweet smile.

He got up from the couch, pulling his shirt down. He turned around, heading towards the kitchen. Spotting my chance, I grabbed the television remote and threw it at Logan's ass. He yelped and turned around, one hand over his butt.

"You just threw a remote at my ass!" he exclaimed.

"You threw a book at my chest!"

"You pissed me off!"

"Stop acting like you didn't piss _me_ off," I hissed, getting up. Logan narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, I piss you off now?"

"YES!"

We both crossed our arms and glared at each other.

"This isn't going to end, is it?" Logan asked. I scoffed.

"Unless you apologize for starting shit, no."

* * *

Twelve o' clock came, and the guys and I plus Katie and Mom sat down to eat.

Logan and I moved as far away from each other as the table would allowed us, and we ignored the strange looks being sent our way as best as we could.

"Huh. For a change Kendall doesn't have his tongue shoved halfway down Logan's throat," Carlos mused. Mom shot him a warning look, but said nothing.

"Shut up," Logan and I said at the same time. I growled at him when he scowled at me.

"Lover's spat?" James asked.

"I guess you can say that," Logan replied.

"He started it," I added, and Logan clenched his fork tighter in his hand.

"Really? Because I feel like it was you who did,"

"Hm, let me flip through my mental catalog of all the wrongs you've done me," I pretended to flip through a book. "Yeah, you're the one who started it."

Logan slammed his fork down.

"Why do you have to be so infuriating?" he demanded.

"Why do you have to use words you think I _don't_ know but I really _do_ know?" I retorted. Logan looked like he was trying to kill me with his glare.

"What are you talking about?"

"That's right, I know what infuriating means. Do you? I bet you don't!"

"Of course I don't. Using words I don't know in a sentence is so fun," Logan said dryly. "Do you know what shut the fuck up means?"

"I don't know, do I? Hey guys-wait."

Logan and I turned away from each and looked at the table. Everyone had left.

"Where'd they go?" Logan asked.

"I don't know..." I muttered back.

"I'm going to win this," Logan said. I hissed at him.

"Like hell you will!" I spat.

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

"Make me!"

I yanked him to me and crushed my lips against his. Logan instantly melted into the kiss, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"That's pretty cliche," Logan said. I pulled away, raising my eyebrows.

"What?"

"The whole kissing me to shut me up thing," he said with an eye roll. "You're going have to try harder."

"I'll show you harder," I grumbled, lifting him up out of the chair. He squeaked and clenched his legs around my waist.

"What the hell are you doing?" he snapped. I smirked and headed to the direction of our bedroom.

"Shutting you up."

"What? Wait, no, Kendall! Put me down you bastard!"

"Better hold on, babe," I teased.

"I swear to God if you don't put me down I'm going to fucking castrate you," Logan said, punching my shoulder. He continued to wriggle around in my arms.

I laughed and gripped him tighter.

"Aw, but you'd miss my dick too much."

"KENDALL!"


End file.
